the short story project


Spills Milk, Cries

I am beginning to write this at 5:04am on a summer morning. I have not worked in over two months which is not like me. I have been out of work due to injury. This absence of work is not good for me as I have anxiety. I had depression and anxiety, but I have taken steps to tamp down the sadness through strategies given to me by mental health professionals and deep breathing apps that I have since deleted. I am glad that the depression is being held back at the moment, but I can’t shake the anxiety. I was going to say “I can’t shake the anxiety lately”, but it is not a lately type of anxiety that I have. It’s an always type of anxiety. I have sought help for that from the said mental health professionals and deleted apps, but it always seems to sneak back into my head, fierce and unavoidable. I know it isn’t healthy. I can’t will it to stop. I think the anxiety stems from my want for everyone to feel happy. As unrealistic as that is, I still feel like that’s my motivation. Don’t disappoint them, don’t cause a scene, don’t hurt anybody. I can do this, I will make this work, I will figure it out. If you’re still following me through this treacherous sea of sentences, thank you. I am writing this in hopes to relate to others. I want to let others know they are not alone. However, I also want to see whether I am alone in this. I hope not. I hope I can motivate and connect with others. If not, I should download those apps again and breathe. Please tell me this helped you.


5 thoughts on “Spills Milk, Cries

  1. Sarah Bogard says:

    Jim, I love your words here. I admire the insight into where you think the root of your anxiety lies, and as always it’s out of concern for others. I’ll travel with you when it’s time to buy your book.

  2. Jenny Reid says:

    You can do this, you can make it work, and you will figure it out. Keep writing.

  3. Maureen Miller says:

    I feel a kinship with you from knowing Sarah, and am also an educator, so this may seem more personal than it should, so a caveat of sorts. As I read your post, the ideas and the words seem to -want- to tumble out. Out into the world, out onto the…page? If it’s not on paper do we still say ‘page’? Similar to saying ‘album’ and not digital download. 😉 Regardless, let them all tumble out here, and they will tumble out elsewhere, too.

  4. Debbie says:

    I also have learned over the years, it’s okay if we can’t make everyone happy. So glad you are working on making you happy. It shows in all your photos. I believe it helps myself and others to voice our anxieties. I appreciate the honesty. Keep conquering ❗

    1. Steve Casto says:

      Jim you definitely helped me. You helped me realize I am not alone. But the struggle still exists. Thank You


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