The final tennis match ends and I watch across the court at someone I can’t help but love. He holds a hand someone I don’t and I stare back at my bag. My hand was trembling enough to drop my racket. No one notices and I reach to grab it.
“Here Melisma,” He holds the racket out and I take it. The racket gets shoved deep down and Vivi stands behind me, her eyes bright and glowing. She knew everything about me.
“Thanks,” I say and he shuffles faintly. “There’s something I wanted to tell for a while- in person,” He says and my throat tightens.
“I’m sorry,” He says but I can’t feel anything. I’ve lost ‘feelings’ a long time ago,”I’m sorry I told that I loved you, but then I found someone I love more. This is Dehila,” He gestures to the pretty girl next to him. She was beautiful, a lot more than I was. “I’m really sor-“
I turn back to Vivi and wave, “Come on, let’s go,” I shake my head, “Don’t worry,” She not behind me. Vivi’s next to me and I can tell she’s barely keeping her anger in.
She breaks before I do.
“You son of a-“ She nearly slaps him but I stop her, “Don’t you know she loved more than anything?”
“Aren’t just great? Proud that you played with her feelings so easily? Do you how hard it was for her after her brother suicided?”
She goes silent. Not quiet, but silent. Dead silent. He’s also a bit shocked. I’ve never yelled before in my life. The sound was vexing and strange. Powerful yet alone. The sound was a lot like home.
“Let go, Vivi,” I say and she trails after me,but right before I pass him my mouth moves on its own.
“Can I ask you something?” He freezes and stutters a sure, clutching Dehila’s hand. I watch the hands and think of mom and dad. How long were they going to last?
“Does she make you happy? Does she light up your world like no one else? Is she what you want to keep?”
“More than anything,” He says and I do my best to hide the sounds of shattering with a smile. I wonder if heaven can hear it.
“Then I wish nothing but the best for the two of you,” I say, “Keep her close,”
“Thank you,” she murmurs and I leave with Vivi.
I open the door to ‘home’ and hear screaming words and even the sound of glass before I even take ten feet inside. Their both in the kitchen and I hide with the shadows until I lock my room.
I’m perfectly fine.
There’s nothing troubling me at all.
Mail. I forgot to get the mail.
It starts to rain outside, but I don’t have an umbrella. I liked the rain anyway. It hid my tears better than anything else. Ten minutes I stand soaked in my room and open each on by candlelight.
Its quieted downstairs, but the air was tense, shivering and small, dense but frightened. Mostly. I could hear Dad slam yet another beer bottle, and Mom was grumbling about the fight and the drunken state of Dad. There’s nothing to say in that empty void.
Funny thing is, it’s the only home I know.
Its calming when you want to be alone- no one’s there to bother you. You or your uninterrupted thoughts scrolling endless in you brain.
But for a moment, it makes me happy yet sad.