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Mary Kalin

Two Birds All A-Twitter

“Why don’t we just sit on the statue’s shoulder like we usually do?”
“The sun is too hot! Besides, there’s more food down there. Haven’t you ever noticed that before? No, I suppose not. You don’t notice much. I’ve watched you fly into windows. Of course, you deny it every time.”
“What do they say about the birds on the bottom row? I don’t really want to get shit on today, Martin if you don’t mind!”
Martin wasn’t listening, as usual. “All the good stuff is down here! Get some breakfast, Wren!”
Wren swooped down and snagged a morsel in her beak. “I gotta stop eating all this bread,” she tells Martin as she’s gobbling up the bread. “But it’s so good!”
“So what you’re saying,” Martin accuses with food falling out of his beak all over the front of himself, “is that you have no self-discipline. See, I have self-control. If I eat too much, My Ass Grows Abundantly!”
Wren ignores Martin’s tweets and grabs all she can in her beak and flies up to the statue’s head. Her left-wing deftly knocks off another poor unsuspecting bird in order to make room. “Hey Martin, up here!”
“Don’t tell me what to do.”
“You always say that then you always do it anyway, weakling. And I told you I didn’t want to get shit on today, remember?! You never listen. I’m only trying to look out for you anyway! You wouldn’t want to get shit on, would you?!” Wren’s voice was a mixture of mother-hen and an attempt at clever sarcasm.
“Well, then, brownie points for you, Wren!” If Martin doesn’t interrupt her, she doesn’t shut up.
Martin begins preening under his right-wing. “So, how’s the wife and kids?” Wren changes the subject.
“Which ones?” Martin replies.
“Yeah, I forgot. You’ve been through a few mates,” Wren rolls her eyes. “Do you even know how many kids you have, you slut?”
Now Martin was ignoring Wren. “How does my right-wing look?” he asked her, holding it up.
“Looks like a right-wing,” Wren replied with indifference.
“Ok, now how about my left-wing?”
“Psh. Right-wing, left-wing, it’s all the same bird. Do you actually care?”

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