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Forced to suicide 

For a brief moment, as he was opening his eyes , he felt peace . Did he really beat the emptiness once for ever ? His lips moved involuntarily and created a smile that lighted up all his face . As he was waking up the pain was starting to wake up too . Was just a fake moment that reminded him of how amazing it is to feel the joy of life , and more than anything to feel grateful for his existence.
Was that moment enough to energies and push him into the seeking of happiness? Or will that moment drown him more into void? Those single seconds could have had a huge impact in his following actions and in his decision if they lasted longer.
Immediately the disappointment and emptiness started to take the place of peace so he decided to go outside believing that the fresh air will help him to clear his mind. He got dressed really fast. Before he would spend minutes in front of the closet , trying to choose the best outfit but now he considered it a pointless action , not worth it . Therefore the agony has started to reflect in all areas of his being. He stared at his reflection in the mirror for few seconds , closed the door and now was in the streets , among many people. While walking, he was trying to notice people’s faces , trying to catch a glimpse of compassion , understanding. None he could find. He was walking next to people who had frown faces , and were in a hurry . No one could stop for a second and give him a look , no one was capable to see the pain in his eyes because everyone was busy chasing after their routine . They were all acting like programmed machines and couldn’t allow themselves to slow down few second and give a smile . A smile which could wake up the hope.
He was like them once , chasing to reach goals . The goals that society projected on him. He never tried to find what he wanted or who he was. He lived the life that others wanted him to live , until one morning he realized he hasn’t felt anything in long time . Nothing impressed him . There was no joy , no emotions , just some actions he did everyday unconsciously, exactly as the society has programmed him to act. As months passed , the situation was getting worse and worse. He did everything he could to get himself out of that black hole in which he was stuck.
More he tried more resistance he would face , his body and his mind wouldn’t response to his attempts.
Feeling exhausted, he decided to sit at one of the benches close to the main street. Now was nothing that could change his decision… If the pain didn’t wake up with him this morning , probably he could have triumphed and would spend the rest of the days of his life cultivating hope to lost souls.There was nothing that could save him ,not even the people in which he always depend on .
A leaf fell from the tree , touched his face and made him think that people are not different from the seasons. In one period they bloom and everything in their being is so beautiful . In another time , they are driven by impulses , acting careless being real and not trying to impress anyone. Somewhere later , they get undressed from their complexes and try to show the roots of their existence . In the end , they cover the darkest sides of their soul, pretending everything about them is pure and white . This cycle repeats itself and the result is always the same. In which period of the cycle was he ?
Probably in the part where he tries, for the first time ,to show the root. So his desperation comes from discovering that his root was rotten and never able to be fixed.
He could not sit there longer , he wanted to execute his finally decision as soon as possible . It was pointless to crawl in pain . So he got up , walked towards the bridge and laughing inside . How many times he was asked what he would do if today was the last day ? Plenty. And his answer to that question was : “ i don’t know , same think like everyday . Not give it importance “ He followed that answer , he lived his last day as a normal day. However he never thought that his last day would be decided by him.
As he was having all those thoughts he found himself at the edge of the bridge . For the first time after a year people started to see him . At his final act they were really trying to help him , shout at him to not do it . All of that not because they really care about him but because they can’t live with the guilt . But there was no step back , they brought him to this point , he gave them the change to save him . One smile this morning could help him , now was too late.
However , deep inside , he knew that was not the fault of society , he was just blaming the others to make the decision easier for him . Also was convinced if he didn’t do it today ,another day , in another city he would try it again . Will he regret it ? He was aware that he would change his mind as soon as he would realize that everything was over. But he stick with his decision hoping that would give a message to his society . He was sacrificing himself hoping they would understand that if you kill someone’s soul you are also signing their suicide. Its just a matter of time until they understand the absurdity of their lives and try to end it .  

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