Beep, beep, beep, beep…
What? What’s that? Dave thought to himself.
Oh God it’s the alarm… five o’clock and I have a breakfast meeting at Minna Mia at seven.
Dave rolled over, trying to shake the fog from his brain, scratching his balls in the process.
What the? My balls have disappeared! How is that possible??
He snaked his hand slowly upwards and realised…
Oh Christ, my dick has gone too!!
Dave was wide awake now.
Wait… What’s this? ….I have a vagina!
Jumping out of bed, Dave cracked his shin on the dresser and yelping, realised that he no longer had hairs on his legs…or anywhere else, except on his scalp, where he had grown a mass of long, silky, golden, tresses! Also a little triangle of hair between his thighs. It was almost as if the rest of his body had been waxed.
Daring himself to look into the mirror on the wall, Dave discovered that, not only did he have a nice neat little pubic package, but huge boobs as well… and a tiny waist to go with it.
Daves eyes slowly tore themselves away from his newly acquired female parts and he was suddenly face to face with a familiar, yet unknown person, staring back at him..
I’m confused, it looks like me but it isn’t. How can this be? It’s me with female body parts… no, it’s me and I’ve turned into a woman. Not too bad looking either. He thought to himself…
Stop it! This is impossible! How can I go to bed as a man, with all of the anatomical bits and pieces that go with it, and wake up a shapely gorgeous woman. He winked at himself in the mirror, then looked at himself in horror!
Stop it you idiot, you’re winking at yourself!
Oh God, Julie was right, I’m a male chauvinistic pig and treat women like my own private property… and this is my punishment!
Last evening, at his best mate Jack’s birthday party, Julie and Dave had consumed a couple of bottles of Cabernet Sauvignon and were both pretty drunk. Dave was sleazing all over Julie’s friend Tully, and Julie was furious.
“You’ll never change Dave and I don’t know why I put up with it.” Julie had yelled at him whilst they were standing outside waiting for the taxi.
“What?” Dave enquired innocently.”You know you’re the only one I love, what does a bit of harmless flirting do?” Dave winked at her and gave her what he thought was his sexiest smile.
Julie gave a frustrated groan. “You don’t get it do you? Every time you sleaze over one of my mates, you leave me looking foolish, for being involved with you. You embarrass me with your behaviour.”
“But it’s only harmless fun!” Dave laughed, and winked at Julie again, attempting to fold her up in his arms and smooth things over. Slobbering over her with boozy kisses.
“No… leave me alone… I think it’s about time we thought about where this relationship is going. If you were serious about me, you wouldn’t feel the need to sleaze all over my friends.
You need a taste of your own medicine but I’m not that way inclined. I could no more cheat on you than fly! Maybe a break would do us good. We can have some space, and work out where this relationship is going!”
With that, Julie jumped into the next cab and left Dave weaving unsteadily on the footpath, contemplating his future, and more importantly he thought, how he was going to get home.
The scene was playing over and over in Dave’s brain, as he turned back to the bedroom to talk, to find that Julie had not come back to his apartment. He could only assume that she had gone home. They did spend the occasional night apart but it seemed to be less and less these days.
Dave realised that he had possibly done irreparable damage to his relationship and it worried him. He truly loved Julie and didn’t want to lose her. He didn’t know how to handle the situation and he couldn’t face work today, so he rang his mate Terry and asked him to fill in for him at the breakfast meeting. Terry was only too happy to oblige and signed off so he could get showered and dressed and go over the notes that Dave had emailed through to him.
Next, Dave called into work, saying that he had some pressing family issues and needed a couple of days off. He was happy to use up his annual leave days. That posed no problems to him either.
Dave knew that he needed to apologise to Julie and to let her know that he didn’t want to lose her. He would do anything to prevent her from leaving the relationship.
At the moment though he needed a good hot shower and then he needed to call his best buddy Jack to talk about his metamorphosis. He could be trusted to be discreet and at least he wouldn’t laugh at his predicament. Jack was a psychiatrist and Dave assumed that he’d “seen it all.” If memory served Dave correctly Jack had taken a few days off to do some jobs around the house. Dave picked up his phone and dialled Jacks number.
“Hi, this is Jack speaking. I’m unable to get to the phone right now, but I’ll get back to you as soon as possible…..”
Darn, thought Dave, he’s probably gone for his early morning run. I’ll give him an hour and try again.
After leaving a message on Jacks phone, Dave padded into the kitchen and was just reaching up for the cereal in the pantry, when a fierce cramping sensation doubled him over the kitchen bench.
Oh my God, I’m dying! He groaned inwardly.
Then as soon as it had appeared, it disappeared again, and he thought no more about it. Sitting at the breakfast bar, Dave struggled to get down a bowl of cereal. Usually he would be ravenously hungry after a night on the tiles, he felt strangely…disinterested in food.
Arghhhh, there it goes again, maybe I have appendicitis… he rushed off to the bathroom thinking he was going to throw up.
Making it to the bathroom without a technicolor yawn, made him feel a bit better and he stepped over to the toilet to urinate. Reaching for his penis, he’d almost forgotten what had happened to him that morning and he was reminded all over again that it was still missing, this time he did actually throw up, into the toilet…and there were the cramps again!
Dave turned around, realising that he now had to sit, to use the toilet, and remembered that he now also had to use toilet paper to dry his nether regions. Almost passing out from the sight of the blood on the toilet paper he inhaled with fright…
Fuck me dead, I cannot believe what is happening to me! Not only do I have a snatch and boobs into the bargain but now I’m having a period! How is that even anatomically possible?…And what do I do about it?”
Dave found some tampons in the bathroom that Julie had left behind. He tried to insert the tampon, realising finally, that the wrapper had to be removed first.
Oh my God that hurts, how do women put these things inside them for one week out of four, from adolescence to menopause…at least I know I’m not pregnant! He chuckled, then admonished himself for doing so…the phone rang.
Dave snatched up the phone.
“Hi, Dave speaking…”
“Hi Dave, it’s me returning your call,” replied Jack.”Are you ok? Cos’ you sound a bit weird.”
“Jack can you please come over to my apartment? …Please…Like, right now? ….”
Jack turned serious.
“What’s going on buddy? Are you in some kind of trouble? You didn’t take a girl home with you did you? Julie will have your balls on a plate!”
Dave gave short, dry snort.
“ I don’t think so buddy…Just come over now…Please!”
Jack had never heard him sound like this. He knew it was serious, whatever was bugging him so he agreed to come right over.
“I’ll see you in twenty minutes, ok Dave.” He thought that Dave was going to burst into tears, so quickly put the phone down and grabbed some clothes, dashing out to his car five minutes later.
Dave contemplated phoning Julie but realised that she’d still be angry with him. Bedsides which, he had no idea how to explain the changes to his body just yet, so thought he’d better wait…At least until he’d spoken to Jack in any case.
True to his promise, Jacks car had just pulled up in the driveway. Dave attempted to compose himself, as he was walking slowly to the front door to let him in.
“Hi buddy….”Jack stopped in mid sentence.
I must look a sight, thought Dave,
Not only am I in my own daggy boxers and t-shirt, with my giant boobs poking through the front but my hair… my hair hasn’t been brushed and probably resembles a haystack, after a group of teenagers have vacated it. I must look a complete mess. To make matters worse, I’m about to burst into tears. He looked downward to ward off the waterworks.
Jack stood in the doorway, not exactly entering, but not backing away either. For what was probably the first time in his life he was speechless. Then his professionalism took over.
“Hi Buddy, I got here as soon as I could. You sounded a bit stressed… Everything ok?”
Dave looked at his friend who had known him since nursery school. His mouth opened and closed but no words came out. He reminded himself of a goldfish.
“It’s ok Dave, I understand. Lots of men go through the same thing. A bit of cross dressing, artificial boobs and a nice wig, can go a long way to satisfy their curiosity….”
“No! …” Dave held up his hand to silence his friend.
“I don’t know what happened to me, but I woke up like this…They are not fake boobs and this is not a wig…. Jesus Jack, what am I going to do?” Dave collapsed into a flood of tears as Jack followed him into the house
It was Jack’s turn to look like a goldfish, as his mouth opened and closed. He had never encountered a situation like this before in all of his professional or personal life.
“What happened last night Dave?” Enquired Jack. “Because whatever it was seems to have triggered these changes, hormonal, physiological or spiritual. Whatever… something powerful has taken place.”
Dave told his friend the whole story about what had happened the night before. He felt deeply ashamed of his actions, not just for last night but for all of the embarrassment he had caused to Julie. He only hoped that it was not too late to salvage the relationship.
Dave and Jack spent the entire day talking. Dave knew that he needed to grow up and show respect for the woman he loved. Julie, he realised was the girl he wanted to marry and spend the rest of his life with. Could he salvage the relationship?
He was fairly clear, that he couldn’t go to visit her in this current state, so he sent a dozen red roses with an inscription of love, penned onto the card. In his mind he also wanted to apologise for his behaviour, not just last night but for all of the other times that he had embarrassed and humiliated her.
“Jack, do you mind if we go for a walk and get a bit of fresh air?” It was almost dinner time, so Dave changed into a pair of his jeans and a really loose sweatshirt, he tied his hair back in a pony tail and they wandered down to Dave’s local “watering hole”.
Halfway down the block, a couple of builders, knocking off for the day, gave a long low wolf whistle. Dave coloured bright red, as if he felt aware that it was intended for him.
“Why do men have to humiliate women in this manner, it’s so disrespectful” Dave said to Jack, who raised his eyebrows and said nothing.
As they reached the pub, the Golden Admiral, they were greeted by ushers who thought that the pair had turned up for a trivia night. The place was packed.
As they fought their way through the crowd, Dave felt his bottom being given a squeeze or a gentle pat. He was furious that men showed no respect for women and if he’d actually seen the culprits would have told them so himself.
They found a table, and Jack went up to the bar and ordered both of their meals. As if this was a signal that he was available, a very drunk man made a bee line for him and pushing his face up against Dave’s, he slobbered beer smelling kisses on his cheeks.
Ok yuk, this is exactly what Julie was complaining about. How could I embarrass her in this way? A fresh set of tears was hovering on Dave’s eye lids, threatening to roll down his cheeks at any second.
Jack arrived back at their table and fairly quickly they had their meals set in front of them. They ate in the comfortable silence that only two people who’ve known each other all their lives can sustain.
After they had eaten their fill and slaked their thirst with a couple of beers, Dave explained to Jack how the events of the day had shaped up.
“I am totally ashamed of myself Jack. I have no idea why Julie is still with me, if in fact she actually still is. I can’t see her entering into a lesbian relationship, so if I’m stuck in this body then it appears that I’ve lost the love of my life. If only I’d realised that before I allowed things to deteriorate to this level. Julie’s right…. I’m a male chauvinist pig and I don’t deserve a wonderful woman like her.”
Dave had had a few beers now and there was an increased risk that he would burst into a fresh bout of tears, so Jack made the suggestion that they start to head off home.
Upon arriving home, Dave wondered whether he should call Julie and apologise once again. Jack however, talked him around and suggested a good nights sleep before facing Julie. There had been no response from his text message, so she may still be angry with him.
Jack stayed with Dave and they downed a couple of shots of port, Dave growing sleepier by the minute. Pretty soon he had fallen into a deep sleep on the sofa.
Good, thought Jack.
Sorry Buddy, I know I’m your best mate and I’ve done this out of love and respect for both you and Julie. I could see the way you were carrying on last night and knew it was just a matter of time, before Julie had enough and gave you the flick for good.
Jack sat down quietly beside Dave and reversed the hypnotic spell he’d performed on him the previous night. The hypnosis that convinced him, that he’d turned into a woman, with all of the anatomical parts that went with the fairer sex. The spell that convinced him that he was suffering from menstrual cramps and the need to use tampons. He had been convinced that men had disrespectfully wolf whistled at him and how it had humiliated him. He also felt certain that men had groped him in the pub and made boozy, disgusting advances towards him and he felt embarrassed for all of the times he’d done the same thing himself.
Would the changes that Jack had instilled in Dave’s thought processes be permanent? Well it would become evident in time.
Jack stood up and grabbed a blanket, draping it over his best mate. As he did so, he was fascinated that although no changes had occurred to Dave’s body, he was absolutely convinced that they had.
Okay, let’s hear it for the powers of persuasion!
“Sleep tight my friend. You’ll remember nothing of all this tomorrow but your thoughts will be changed forever. There will be no more flirting or any behaviour that humiliates Julie. No more getting plastered and drooling over other women. Dave, you will be the best boyfriend that Julie has ever had, and you don’t want to let this one slip through your fingers. Ask her to marry you…why shouldn’t you be as miserable as the rest of us,” he chuckled. “Goodnight Dave.”
Jack let himself out and left Dave snoring on the sofa, where he spent the entire night.
Beep, beep, beep, beep……
What?… What’s that? Dave thought to himself.
Oh God it’s the alarm… five am and I have a breakfast meeting at Minna Mia at seven o’clock. Why am I sleeping on the sofa?
Dave rolled over, trying to shake the fog from his brain, scratching his balls in the process and giving a gentle tug on his morning erection.
Oh jeez I was an ass last night. I’d better give Julie a call and apologise profusely. It’s about time I grew up a bit I think. If I want Julie to be my bride…what? Where did that idea come from?
I did though…I did want Julie to marry me and when I get married it’s going to be for keeps! There will be no more flirting, or anything that will cause embarrassment to Julie. I’m giving myself to her completely and show her that I love, honour and respect her…forever!
That was an odd dream I had last night but it’s put things into perspective and I intend to rectify all past mistakes.
Why do I feel…that Jack has something to do with my dream?
Beep, beep, beep, beep…
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