“Chill out Meg, it’s all in your mind. It’s all in your mind.”
Meaghan continued to examine her face with her fingertips as she stared blankly in the mirror.
The pigmentation around her eyes, cheeks, and forehead started to fade out more and more until her entire face looked as if it was deteriorating from the inside out.
Glancing downwards at the wrinkles on her palms, they became more
defined by the second until they resembled a bird’s eye view of the sprawling dry cracks across hot beige, desert sand. The light bulbs above the mirror broke into several rays of different colors, the sink glistened brightly, her pupils started to dilate until they overtook her eyes completely…
“Oh man,” Meaghan muttered to herself as she cupped her hands with running ice cold water from the faucet and splashed her face repeatedly. She gasped for coughs of air. The water pierced her skin like sharp daggers; freezing reminders that the drugs were now fully flowing all throughout her bloodstream. The tingling sensation of the serotonin continued to linger in her brain as another wave of euphoria washed over her entire body.
She shut the faucet off and took one last look in the mirror. Her chin was now dripping down to the floor.
“No, no, no, no, no…..”
She pat her face dry with a warm fuzzy towel, walked out of the bathroom, shut the lights off with a click.
The entire living room of her two bedroom apartment had quickly filled up with the swarm of swaying and drunken, drugged out, twenty-something millennials all grinding along to the sound waves of electronic beats and melodies reverberating all around the walls.
She looked towards her bedroom at the other end of the party as it seemed to drift further and further away. Meaghan started walking slowly, one foot in front of the other, like a koala, as the wooden floorboards beneath her started to sway
up and down like the waves of an ocean.
“Excuse me, excuse me, MOVE,” Meaghan yelled out as she used her arms as barriers to the left and right of her, weaving her way through the sea of sweaty bodies.
“Hey, where have you been? Get over here!” yelled her roommate Amy, sloppily put together in a tank top and shorts, the antithesis of Meaghan’s calm and collected t-shirt, glasses, and jeans.
“There’s someone you gotta meet,” Amy blurted out as she
grabbed Meaghan’s arm.
“Amy, what the hell were in those brownies?” Meaghan slurred
back as she finally reached her bedroom and tried turning
the doorknob with both of her clammy hands.
“What else, dummy? Weed, mushrooms, dimethyltryptamine, lsd, mescaline, the works. Come on, let’s go out into the backyard.”
“WHAT? What the fuck?!” blurted out Meaghan.
“Chill out Meg, it’s a fucking PARTY. You know James Dempsey,
don’t you? The TV star? He’s out back with his entourage,
come meet him!” screeched Amy as she started pulling Meaghan
out to the backyard. “This could be your shot, you two should definitely talk.”
“AMY, LET GO. GOOD NIGHT.”
Meaghan shoved Amy away, swung the door open to her room, and
slammed it shut.
“Are you being serious? Get the hell out here right NOW!”
Amy’s voice yelled back as Meaghan locked the door.
The knocking quickly went kaput as Meaghan plugged some noise
cancelling headphones into her ears. “Jesus Christ, Buddha, Ganesha, Shiva, Allah, Yahweh,” she prayed to herself as she relished in her newly found silence and solitude.
Meaghan stood quietly for a few moments just to collect her thoughts. All the air around her started to pulsate.
Several text messages started to vibrate from her smartphone. All from Amy. Meaghan quickly shut off the device, took off the cover, and popped out the battery, before throwing them all into her laundry basket.
She went over to her windowsill and slid open the screen. Cool air drifted into
the room and immediately depleted all the warm stuffy
humidity of clutter and noise.
The sigh of relief only lasted a few seconds however, as Meaghan could feel her heart accelerating past a hundred miles an hour. She began to
move around and started unpacking the cardboard boxes that
littered her new bedroom. She ripped off several strips of masking
tape, opened up the flaps, and started pulling out various
items, one by one by one.
A typewriter was unraveled from the carefully wrapped bubble
wrap and placed gently on her desk.
A cup was filled with pens and several sharpies, pencils, and
Stacks and stacks of notebooks, books, and earlier
drafts of several theater plays were all crammed into a
Meaghan continued this for several minutes
delegating all the items and her life back into order.
It was not until she had reached the last box and pulled out
a hand-painted portrait of herself from a year ago that
Meaghan suddenly found herself stopped in her tracks like an
old train which had suddenly run out of steam.
“Vincent,” she thought as the face of Vincent Devolson suddenly emerged from her memory.
She grabbed some thumbtacks, pinned them into the wall, and
hung up the painting above her desk and typewriter. The
impressionistic brushstrokes were flowing all throughout her
portrait as the bold colors of dark brown, beige, peach,
hints of yellow, burnt sienna, turquoise, titanium white, and
light blue all conglobulated into the image of her face from
behind the glass cover.
Meaghan collapsed back onto her bed as she stretched her arms
and legs all the way out to the tips of her fingers and toes
as the tingling sensation of happiness continued to zoom back
and forth, back and forth, between her cerebellum and
throughout the rest of her veined body. The eyes from the
portrait continued to blink and stare.
“Let go,” Meaghan monotonously started repeating to herself
as she tried to release her thoughts completely, completely overwhelmed by the energy that now seemed to swirl all around her.
Her lungs expanded and contracted.
Her heart continued its natural rhythm of be-bump, be-bump, be-bump but now at a slower pace…
All the tension in her mind and body slowly let go of itself like a rope unraveling and drifting up to the ceiling.
Meaghan closed her eyes as darkness slowly overtook her.
“Breath, Meaghan. Breathe…..”.
A few moments had elapsed before Meaghan, now more calm and hitting her peak, eyes still closed, tried to get up from her bed but realized she couldn’t feel the sensation of her arms or legs.
“Huh,” Meaghan thought as she opened her sight and looked around the room. She glanced over at her desk, at the window, at the door,
but was confused as to why it felt like she was suddenly ten
Meaghan stared down and saw herself passed out on the mattress. The harsh
realization suddenly hit her. She was no longer in her physical
body. Her mind was now drifting around the ceiling like a lost cloud.
“OH MY GOD.”
Another breeze flew in from outside as Meaghan’s mind found
itself suddenly swirling around the room and floating
straight out the window. Straight up past the rooftop of the
apartment building. Past the top of flashing billboards. Past
the top of skyscrapers. All the way up into the clouds which
overlooked the bright lights of the entire city.
Meaghan’s mind fluttered and kicked for a moment to try and get back down to Planet Earth but to no avail. Mind was quickly becoming a lost
notion hovering above modern civilization.
Negative thoughts started to drift into consciousness as Mind strangely started to find itself despising the millions and millions of
human ants walking around thousands of feet below, faces buried into their
digital screens, all existing within their own artificial
versions of reality.
Another breeze however carried Mind as it floated up higher and higher into
the stratosphere. It now found itself despising the entire world.
The smog excreting from the growing number of factories and
dirty buildings…large bodies of water littered and stained
with oil spills and toxins…..Historic natural forests all
being burnt to a crisp from raging wildfires… Farms teeming
with chemicals….Bombs falling from the skies causing one
countless explosion after another. Entire families dying from
famine and hunger. Entire groups of people wiping out one
another with hails of gunfire and smoke while countless cries
and screams echoed throughout the night…
“LET GO,” a thought emerged as another breeeze forced Mind to look upward and drifted towards the heavens and the stars.
The clouds started to shrink and grew thinner and thinner, the blue skies grew darker and darker, until Mind realized it was now looking down on nothing but vast bodies of water and land and swirling entites of white. The planet Earth.
It was now drifiting through space. Dark, cold, and stretching out in light years in every direction.
An unsettling sensation of fear and panic started to overtake
Mind as it now tried to stay within Earth’s orbit. “Whoa,
whoa, whoa…” Mind thought as it felt itself now being pulled
further and further out away from Earth by the other planets.
The notion of home itself was quickly becoming a memory. The Moon drifted on
by next. Then Mars. Jupiter. Saturn. Uranus. Neptune.
Pluto…until even the Sun quickly diminished to a small
white blazing dot into the far distance….
“Oh man,” Mind thought to itself as the Solar System quickly
became engulfed by the darkness.
“Just let go,” a thought reminded it once more as it drifted by.
The lights of Alpha Centauri flew by next and went as soon as
it appeared. Several suns and solar systems quickly became a blur. One repeating, orbiting interstellar system after another. And another. And another. Several suns quickly multiplied to a hundred. Thousands. Millions. The planets were like atoms all revolving around balls of light. Mind eventually realized they were all swirling around a black hole. It realized it was now drifting out of the Milky Way.
It admired this vast glorious swirling entity of solar systems until
it too quickly became a repetition of other galaxies. Each one comprised of more gas, dust, planets, and stars separated by voids of darkness.
Mind continued to float out further, and further, and further out, until all matter and light had drifted away and vanished from all sight and time.
All became dark and quiet for eons and eons.
It continued to drift, as Mind realized it was accelerating so fast, that it no longer felt like it was moving. All matter had simply fallen away in the blink of an eye. Where was it? How long had it been?
All had grown dark. Quiet. For eons and eons.
All the fear, insecurities, anger, sadness, panic and noise
gradually diminished along along with the notions of left, right, up and down.
All had grown dark. Quiet. For eons and eons.
Mind continued to drift until it realized there was no conclusion to this journey. It continuously continued. There was no beginning or evolution,
no destiny or end, just the present moment, the natural state
of being. It had become everything and nothing. Order and
Chaos. Life and death. The good and evil. The balance of the complete absurd and reasonable.
The beginning and the inevitable… It had all become nothing but a beautiful paradox. The darkness and the light.
But there it was suddenly, a bright light. Where had it come from? Mind thought to itself one last time. It was dark and quiet for eons only seconds ago….
A bright light. Mind looked around as it suddenly found itself floating in a pool of a light of an unbelievable magnitude. Sheer energy. An overwhleming warmth washed over it. There were no more questions. Just sheer energy and joy.
… and Mind completely let go of itself. It completely let go… of every thought, want, need, and emotion.
“OH MY GOD!” yelled Vincent as he kicked out of his hammock.
He swung violently in between the trees as he fell on to the
grass and fully awoke with an abrupt start. His heart was
racing past a hundred miles an hour as he glanced around in
confusion and brushed the dirt off from his elbows.
“Is everything okay, Vincent?” asked an old man, dressed in
flowing white robes and laying around a crackling fire with
several other Patrons.
“No, I mean, yes, everything is fine. I’m sorry. A crazy
dream,” Vincent gasped back as his breathing and heart rate
slowly returned back to normal. The old man smirked lightly
as he shut his eyes and fell back into a deep sleep.
“Breathe, my boy, breathe…until your last. zzzzzzz.”
“What in the world?” Vincent thought to himself as his head
continued to throb and pulsate. He walked past the tall reeds
of the field and made his way to the nearby river, splashed
his face repeatedly with the running ice cold water, caught
his breath, and stood there for a moment to collect his
thoughts. The notion of Meaghan Lawrence suddenly emerged
from his memory.
“Meaghan,” Vincent thought to himself as he looked up at the
sky. A meteor shower was burning away, lighting up the skies with smoke and ember, as it fell away into the horizion.
A breeze suddenly flew by as it pushed Vincent towards the top of a hill to get a